| Apr. 25th, 2005 @ 05:59 am Ode to Chris Blum |
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It's been almost 6 months since I loaned you some money. Why don't you stop going out of town every weekend and pay your debts?
Didn't know the beach was going out of town, and I also didn't know the beach charged to go on it. O wait it's free! I also try to pay you back all the time but your to much of a stuck up prick to take 20$ increments over a week period, because it's rare as fucking a blue moon that I get more than 50$ and you know that, because I'm always so generous with throwing down on shit. When I have money I throw down on anything were doing, but when I dont have money I don't. I guess you forget the time when you got so shit faced you passed out in a pile of your own puke in Orlando and all your so called friends were too busy having fun and left you to fucking rot, but I helped you. I gave up my night of fun to save you, and all I got in return was to find lindsey dancing with other dudes and being a whore ontop of the bar and robbie being a drunk asshole saying it's not his responsibility to help me or you out. and then I get a thanks from you saying "man next time I shouldn't drink a half bottle to myself ahahaha", which I'm pretty sure you didn't pay for. all the times I stayed on countless hours helping you in that WoW running dungeons that you couldn't do by yourself, and you forget all the lil things such as me buying you taco bell, beer, and the countless bottles of liquor we drank at my dad's house I didn't charge you for etc or when you don't have your wallet on you I spot you, and Do I charge you for these things? no because you use to be my friend, my brother. I guess you also didn't take in effect that this has been the most horrible year of my life, and yes instead of paying you back I borrowed money from my father and mother to take trips to tampa to try to heal my emotional fucking pain that you'll never have any comprehension of, because you haven't lost a person you truly loved yet, not to mention other horrible shit that has happend this year such as losing my grandmother, cat , dog, my computer being destroyed, my dad being a complete utter peice of shit and abandoning my family, losing lindsey to not just 1 but to 2 guys, one beng fucking 30 wtf, losing a 300$ digital camera, losing my truck, and the worst of it all our friendship has gone to shit. Because for some UNGODLY FUCKING reason your fucking girlfriend hates me because she has this wacked out fucking idea that I'm her ex boyfriend reincarnate. It's like I don't even know who the fuck you are anymore man, you use to be my big brother and shit now you just hate on me every chance and opportunity you get, and the shit hurts coming from you. Anybody else shit wouldn't bother me but you've been my friend, my brother the longest. So in my Darkest Time in my life when I need my brother the most your no where to be found. You'll get your money soon enough, because it's obviously worth more to you than our friendship and that is probaly the only reason you even still talk to me. So when's the last time you saved my ass man? All I can remember is you giving me a couple of rides when I got pissed off at my dad or when I got into a fist fight with him, and I thank you for those rides, and I thank you for all the times when I was growing up as a kid and you watched over my ass, but latly man I feel like you don't even give a shit about me or my well being. Don't even bother responding to this comment, I already know what your gonna say, Don't borrow the money unless you plan on paying it back on time and etc, And how you've been more than lenient with me for time to pay you back and I know you have, and how that I'm not the only one with problems and how you and your dad wernt getting along either, at least he still fucking talks to you. And the next thing you'll probaly say is that how my life really isn't that bad and how "the rooster" always brings fun to the parties etc, well it's just big front because in actuality everybody fucking hates "the rooster" and just deals with my shit because I'm adam's and your friend and maybe hayley and hillary like me but I don't even know who my true friends are except adam and robbie and there both the only people I can really relate to because there just as fucking alone as I am. When I go home I have no one to talk to just like they do. It's like I started all fucking over again but some big part of me is missing and somehow I can't go back to being the same fucking funny happy go lucky person that use to be bringing all my friends up not down. Fuck man Wish I could almost die and get a couple grand for it, I wait for fucking death but it won't come for me, not yet I still have more pain and suffering to go through probably something special like cancer. And I won't fucking kill myself because that's a god damn cowards way out. You know what I dream of? The fucking day when I can just sacrifice my life to save someone elses, just so I can escape this fucking miserable shit hole of a life that I've stumbled into, and I guess thats why when shit hits the fan for anyone of my friends I'm always the first mother fucker there to help. So at least I have a chance of dieing with some sort of dignity and honor that I never had in life.
I guess what they say is true
Nothing lasts forever.
You'll have your money tomorrow. |
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